SpongeBob: Now Smellable

I recently attended a meeting of car dealership managers.  After a few seconds, I excused myself and put on a Haz Mat outfit.  It was the Chernoble of cologne.  These guys didn't just dab it on, they ran through a lawn sprinkler of the stuff.  Frankly, I don't know if men know the meaning of the word spritz.  If there were a Richter Scale of odiferous and cloying  substances, this would come close to being the big one.

Then in a moment of olfactory overload, the infamous musk odor made it's presence known.  Which, if memory serves is from a gland in male musk deer. The name originated from the Sanskrit mus ka meaning "testicle."   So, someone was wearing "Eau de package."  According to people who devote their life to creating smells:  "Musk will distinctly scent millions of cubic feet of air without any appreciable loss of weight, and its scent is not only more penetrating but more persistent than that of any other known substance. "  In less technical language:  It's  supposed to be a chick magnet. But apparently no female musk deer are showing up in showrooms.

Cologne has become the new wine.  Listen to this description of Acqua di Gio by Giorgio Armani.  "It's classified as flowery fragrance.  This masculine scent possesses a blend of : citrus notes, rosemary spiciness, jasmine, a hint of wood and ocean breezes." Rough translation: Seagull drops an moldy lemon on a rotting woodpile.

Here's another nasal clogger. Baldessarini Del Mar Cologne by Hugo Boss, This fragrance’s notes consist of mandarin orange, black pepper, italian bergamot, cinnamon, cardamom, Moroccan atlas cedar, oliban resin, patchouli, vetiver, and amber.  I think it should be called Baldessarini Del Monte. It's almost classifies as a food substance.  A kind of spicy-burning tree-like Tang.

My father was a loyal wearer of Old Spice with its distinctive grommet cap.   I was part aftershave, part hardwear store. I think the whole world changed with the introduction of Hi Karate.  I hate to admit this, but I know the actual Hi Karate actor. His name is Rick Warner and his job was to fend women off with a variety of Bruce Lee moves.  Nobody bought the cologne but sales of Kung Fu lessons were off the charts. 

Now, apparently even the famously metrosexual SponqeBob Squarepants has his own cologne. Either pre-pubescent  boys are smelling worse than ever or they are being systemically enticed into the cut throat world of car salesmenship.   I'm sure we don't want to smell like the  chain gang in the Bayou, but we've got to draw the line somewhere. So here's a manly toast to the rest of us who rely on a hot shower and one of those mini-hotel soap bars we have harvested from our last business trip. Now that's manly.