Finding the right guy. A guide for women.
Monday, May 28, 2007 at 07:19PM Ladies. You can spend days listening to Dr. Phil, Oprah or even Jerry Springer -- but they won't give you the relationship advice you kind find right here @ BakerMuse. The key to my powerful method is to thin the pack. And it all begins with a first name. You can easily eliminate large portions of the male population in the comfort of your own home.
Never, under any circumstances date anyone:
Named after a city. That means any guy named Austin, Dallas, Denver or Poughkeepsie.
Who has quotation marks around their middle name. William "Bucky" Jones. Ted "The Slasher" Belkin. The majority of these guys work in real estate or in organized crime. Some believe it's the same thing.
With a roman numeral after his name. The II, III, IV, V, VI etc. The higher the number the worse the guy. Think Henry the VIII.
Named after a body ailment or disease. Popeye. Stretch. Chubby. Or the ever popular Herpes.
Named where they were conceived. Moon. Ocean. Or the classic AMC Pacer.
Who was given a mandatory wedgie in high school. Percy, Stanley. Woodrow.
Who won't shorten their name. You've met these guys. They are typically named Robert or Steven. Call Robert "Bob" and the blood rushes from his face, he gives you the evil eye -- and he corrects you "It's Robert." The only exception to this rule is Richard. We understand why he doesn't want to be called Dick.
Who miniaturizes his name. Lil' Abner, Tiny Tim, Shorty. Stubby. Frankly, it's not a good sign if his parents who have seen him naked, gave him this name.
Named after a mass murderer. Adolf. Saddam. Idi. Lex Luthor. This goes double for anyone named Caligula.
Whose name is a sentence. Justin Time. Ben Dover. These guys are a powder keg just waiting to go off.
Whose name sounds like a male body part. This would be your Dicks', Rods' or worse, your Handcocks.
Named after a cartoon. Homer, Dagwood, or Sponge Bob.
That would rather go by initials. P. Diddy, P.J. O'Rourke, O.J. or DOT (Disciples of Tesh)
Named: Moe, Curly, Curly Joe or Shemp.
Like PHDs who must be called Doctor. At the University Club or at a symposium. Doctor is fine. But if you're getting holiday cards with Dr. and Mr. Or Mrs. on the envelope, you've got MD envy. I'm impressed with your degree in the Horticulture of Kudzu plans, but I want a real doc when the big one hits.
With the name: Jeeves. Chuckles. Think limited career options.
Well, ladies this is just a start. With enough effort we can eliminate up to 50% of the Bozo's (Opps, there's another one) out there.
humor 
Reader Comments (2)
"or the ever popular herpes". classic. i should of known, if only i found you sooner.
Thanks for sharing this helpful information. It is really helpful especially for women like me who wants to find the right guy that I can spend my whole life.