Why Lou Dobbs Loves Me

It only took 50 agonizing minutes to turn me into Lou Dobbs. The poster guy for no outsourcing has become my champion.  Here's my story.  I called up the customer service department of a famous travel company.  It's against my ethics to reveal their name in such a lofty forum.  But this company's  mascot is a wooden garden ornament that rhymes with "Rome." 

Well, the moment my customer rep said, "Hello, my name is Gary how can I help you," I knew I was trouble.  Gary sounded like Ben Kingsley's impression of Gandhi.  Well, I told "Gary" that I need to change some hotel reservations.  "No problem, may I call you Mr. Martin?"  Sure, I said. Gary then brings up my reservation.  He says, it's B as in Paul.  I said, "B" as in Ball or Paul?  He said, "B as in Paul." I said Gary, give me another B or P word.  "I'm sorry Mr. Martin, I don' know what you mean."  I say, is it B as in Ball or P as in Paul.  He said, it's not P as in Ball.

I suggest a compromise.  "B" as in Barry.  "Yes, Mr. Martin."  Somehow we trudge through the rest of the reservation number.  My revenge came when he said  "K" as in Kevin.  I said, you "mean "K" as in knife?"  Gary was silent, then said, can you hold for a minute.  I hold for a minute and Gary says that "Tom" will continue with my reservation change.

Tom  said, "Hello, may I call you Mr. Martin?   I prefer it if you call me Mr. Manson.  "Okay, Mr. Manson, I have your reservation here."  Then, he says can you hold on for a few minutes.  At this point, I'm 15 minutes into the conversation and the only thing  we've accomplished is agreeing that my reservation begins with a "B."   Tom returns and after 30 minutes of alphabet ping pong, I finally get a new reservation.  Of course, this achievement comes with a heavy price -- a new  reservation code.   "Mr. Manson, the new reservation is "P" as in ball.  

When my cerebral hemorrhage cleared up, I thought  "Lou, I'm right behind you."