Quibbles Part 4: The grunt, the yell and the floating gorilla

Welcome to Quibbles Part 4.   A quibble is an cloying annoyance that isn't earth shattering, but should be. 

Quibble #1

I can't watch women's professional tennis anymore.  These women are amazingly graceful, focused athletes -- but if I hear one more "grunt" as they hit the ball  I'm going to impale myself with a Wilson K Factor KSix racquet with the round end facing in.  Pro Maria Sharapova has a 100 decibel grunt that has set off car alarms in neighboring cities and miraculously cured thousands of constipated fans.

It all started with Monica Seles who had a world-class grunt. She was forced to retire for two years after a spectator stabbed her in the back.  Some say the incident was the fault of a seriously disturbed fan named Gunter Parche. Some say it was the grunt that drove him to it. Sure, I could turn the sound down, but then I'd miss the rantings of the great John McEnroe.

Quibble #2

 Billy Mays.  You may not know the name but you know the guy.  He is pudgy dark haired spokesperson who doesn't talk -- he yells.  He is the shrill shill behind Oxy Clean and the Awesome Auger.  I am trying to imagine this guy at home.  He's trying to yell his way through a bedtime story and his kid is crouching in fear,   But it's good to know the that the family's laundry is stain free.

Quibble #3

Car Dealership Commercials.   Okay, let's work through this together.  You're about to plunk down $20,000 on a car and the best the dealer can do is hoist a large floating gorilla over the building as bait?  What is it about cars and trucks that bring out marketing circa 1950?  Why any dealer of four-wheeled vehicles would have a "Blow Out" sale is beyond me.  It started in California with Cal Worthington and his dog Spot. The joke was that Spot was never a dog but some kind of farm or zoo animal.  I don't know how many cars he sold, but sales of chimps went through the roof.

Update on Thursday, May 29, 2008 at 02:33PM by Marty Baker

The quibbles continue:

 Grunting in East Side Gym Class Leads to Hospital, and to Court

By JOHN ELIGON

Published: May 29, 2008

Stuart Sugarman was exercising the way he had hundreds of times before.

He arrived at the Equinox gym on the Upper East Side 30 minutes before the start of spin class and signed up for the stationary bike on the left side of the room. He adjusted the bike for his hefty frame and clicked his specialty cycling shoes into the pedals.

And as the class got going, Mr. Sugarman, a senior partner at an investment firm, began the most conspicuous part of his ritual: his loud noises.

“You go, girl!” “Good burn!” “This is great!” Those are all phrases, Mr. Sugarman said on Wednesday, that he might well have screamed. When you’re getting pumped up, he said, “it’s all very normal responses.”

But on Aug. 15, 2007, Christopher Carter, a Manhattan stockbroker two bikes down, could not take another of Mr. Sugarman’s groans. After words were exchanged, Mr. Carter hopped off his bike and charged toward Mr. Sugarman “like a football player,” Mr. Sugarman said.

Mr. Carter grabbed the bike by the handlebars, raised the front end off the ground, driving the rear of the bike into a wall, and then let the bike go, Mr. Sugarman said. The impact of the drop, Mr. Sugarman said, has caused chronic neck and back pain.

Now, Mr. Carter, 45, is on trial in Manhattan Criminal Court, charged with assault. He faces up to a year in prison if convicted on the misdemeanor charge.

On Wednesday, the second day of the trial, the two men were face to face for the first time since the incident.

The case could be seen as a cautionary tale for New Yorkers with outsized personal habits — or bystanders who are easily irritated.

Mr. Sugarman, 49, sees himself as the victim of an unreasonable man having a bad day. Hospitalized for two weeks after the incident, with part of the time in intensive care, he contended that his actions during spin class were in line with what athletes do.

“Like any sporting pursuit,” he said, “you get pumped up.”

Because of his injuries, Mr. Sugarman said, he is no longer able to golf, hike, cycle or participate in other sports as he had done five or six days a week.

To the defense, Mr. Sugarman was as much the aggressor as Mr. Carter. He is exaggerating his injuries and Mr. Carter’s actions, the defense has argued.

“The complaining witness is not to be believed,” said Michael Farkas, the lawyer for Mr. Carter. “This is all an attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system to his own ends.”

Mr. Sugarman, who sometimes goes by the nickname Shug, testified that he had not filed a civil lawsuit. But he has retained Samuel L. Davis, a personal-injury lawyer from Teaneck, N.J. Mr. Davis declined to comment on whether his client would sue.

Mr. Sugarman, who is about 5 feet 11 and said he weighed 204 pounds, limped into the courtroom Wednesday morning. His neck appeared stiff.

He spoke softly before a jury of six. Some of his testimony was inconsistent with accounts given by two other witnesses who testified on Wednesday. He was often combative with Mr. Farkas on cross-examination, twisting his red face, sighing and offering up pointed rejoinders.

The judge admonished both Mr. Farkas, for comments he made between questions, and Mr. Sugarman, for not answering questions.

Mr. Sugarman described his grunts as “expelling air” and said that others in class sometimes appreciate the noises he makes because it motivates them.

From the start of the class, Mr. Sugarman testified, Mr. Carter was scowling. It became clear, Mr. Sugarman said, that Mr. Carter was agitated with him when he went over to one of the two spin instructors and said something. The instructor simply shrugged, Mr. Sugarman said.

Mr. Carter returned to his bike and, using an obscenity, yelled for him to shut up, Mr. Sugarman said. He said his initial reaction was a shrug.

But after Mr. Carter continued to swear at him, Mr. Sugarman said, he responded: “You don’t have to be such a baby. If you don’t like the class, there’s the door to the right; just leave.”

That was when Mr. Carter charged him, Mr. Sugarman testified. As Mr. Carter held up the bike, he looked Mr. Sugarman in the eyes and swore at him, Mr. Sugarman said.

After the incident, Mr. Sugarman said, he stayed and pedaled slowly for the final 15 minutes of the class, despite attempts by the club manager to make him leave, because he was in searing pain and wanted to figure out what he should do. He also was embarrassed in the class of mostly women, he said.

“I wanted to be a guy,” he said. “I wanted to muscle through it.”

One of the instructors in the spin class testified that he asked Mr. Sugarman to quiet down after Mr. Carter complained and that the two began arguing as he stood between them.

Earlier Wednesday, Dr. Sherri Sandel, a physician who was in the spin class, testified that after Mr. Carter told Mr. Sugarman to shut up, Mr. Sugarman responded, “Make me.”